If I could go back in time and tell a younger me something important, it would be to try not to worry so much what people think of you. You can’t please everyone! It’s a cliché, I know. It’s something that I’m sure everyone has thought at some stage in their life. Haven’t they?
I spend so much time being concerned if I’m being considerate, kind, fair or honest towards the people around me and while I would like to think that most of us feel this way, there are people out there that seem to have the courage to not worry too much what people think of them.
I am not one of these people! Call me a chameleon or perhaps an eccentric but I definitely feed off others’ emotions, feeling their moods and soaking up their energy. I try and fit in and mould myself as good musicians should. I collaborate and communicate so everyone will be comfortable around me.
Being the type of musician and person that I am, I know I am hyper-sensitive to the atmosphere around me. I’m not talking about space and time, I just mean the depth at which I feel. I am constantly questioning my motives: How can I be the best version of myself? The best musician, listener, communicator whilst also being strong in who I am and true to my convictions. Is it even possible to admit that one does not need affirmation from those around us? I am honest enough to realize that I would not be able to continue doing music if every day someone told me that they found my music-making to be unconvincing. In fact, I would rather curl up in a ball and hide forever!
In all my music-making, I characterize every note, every marking, every dot and dash on the page. I see the music in a technicolor rainbow of emotions. I see scenery as I play glorious melodies and I play like a crazy drunk if that’s what the music demands! I make mistakes here and there, I’m only human and I know somewhere deep down, that perfection really is only in the eye of the beholder.
Now more than ever, I want to be a beacon of light. I want to work my hardest to create goodness and honesty through music. We are all so different in how we respond to the world around us but we all share the knowledge deep down, that we need each other to survive. We need human kindness, interaction, grace and love. Nothing else really matters.